20

Today (March 21st) is many things. It is World Poetry Day, it is International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination and it is also World Down Syndrome Day. But as well as all these days, it is also my birthday. Today I turn 20, which means I am no longer a teenager and should probably start acting like an adult. But that sounds boring so I made a Match.com profile for my friend Dik without his knowledge. I'm not sure how to break it to him. I may just post these pictures on Facebook and tell him that way.

Also, my friend Steph (http://www.spethaniesays.blogspot.com), wrote a Haiku for my birthday.

happy birthday craig b
now you are twenty you are
closer to the grave.

you are getting old;
a fifth of a century is
how old you are now.

life ends at twenty
it's all downhill from here, and you
aren't getting younger

it's down's syndrome day
is it a coincidence that
it's your birthday too

Black Friday

This song shouldn't exist... But it does. for those that are unfamiliar with Rebecca Black, let me fill you in. Rebecca Black is a 13 year old "singer" (I use that term loosely considering the amount of auto-tune on the song itself) from California who recently released a music video for her appallingly written song "Friday". The music video itself has gone viral and became a massive internet sensation racking up over 12,000,000 views on youtube thanks to it's hilariously bad lyrics. Take at look at it yourself and make your own judgement. Prepare to be disgusted.

A friend of mine decided that this song falls under the concept of "Black Friday" so added it to the wikipedia page accordingly..


Enjoy.. and remember we we we so excited.

Bring Back Whites!

Last week, the BBC did something very stupid, very stupid indeed. They cancelled Whites, possibly the best sitcom to air at all last year. It comes as a bit of a surprise as it managed to gain an average of 1.6m viewers. Some other BBC Comedies that weren't cancelled this week included Grandma's House (1.2m) and Episodes (1.1m). Why Episodes was renewed for a second series is beyond me. The plot moved about as slowly as a turd moving down a a play park slide and apart from Mangan and Grieg's (lets face it, can those two do anything wrong?) performances the other characters were all painstakingly bland, particularly Merc Lapidus who was about as interesting and comical as a farting vegetable. Actually, that seems a bit unfair on the vegetable. Sorry vegetable. I can't quite begin to fathom exactly what they can write about for another 9 episode series. Maybe more humourless blind jokes and if i'm lucky there'll be an episode where Merc is attached to a starved Lion for 2 days. I can always dream. Now back to Whites, there seems to be so much potential for further story lines. I'd quite like to see the relationship of Roland and Caroline explored further and see her make some kind of rash decision regarding her somewhat camp, cow rectum loving fiancée. And it would also be fun to see Bib try and balance running a busy kitchen while dealing with a pregnant wife and well, Skoose. But it seems like non of this is going to happen, unless of course the head of BBC Comedy stops wondering if that's a genital wart down there or part of his secretary's lunch and realises a wonderfully written show has been axed from out hypno-boxes. And then if we're lucky someone will get rid of Episodes.

Tesco Don't Sell Kazoo's.

I lost my job this week. I worked in a small vegetarian cafe, where I learnt that I'm fairly sure that there is some form of common sense protein that is only found in meat products. At least now, I'll never again be asked "how do I eat a scone?" or have the cafe, which sells home cooked vegetarian food be compared to McDonald's. One thing it does mean though is that I'm going to need a new name for my blog, so starting from now, the blog is to be now  named "The Blog Formally Known as "My Humble Existence Serving Middle-Class Vegans"". Mainly because I can't be arsed to think of a better name. Some may call that lazy, but as I've been spending this past week realising, been unemployed somehow makes you lazier. I do now however, know the party aisle in Tesco better than I know my own cock since I spent an hour trying to find a Kazoo. Tesco don't sell Kazoo's. And on that note, I'm going to go work out what I'm going to wear when i go collect my job seekers allowance. G'night.

I Write Like...

Hello there lovely internet people. As I feel more hungover than Charlie Sheen probably does right now I've not had a very productive day. I've spent it staring at the constantly growing tear in my pajamas and playing on Fallout. I have however stumbled across a pretty nifty website that analyses your writing style and comes up with a famous writer who's style is somewhat similar to yours. So I've decided to give it a go with each of my blog posts. The results are as follows:

The General Public are Out There!! - "I write like Douglas Adams"


The Church of Craggle Waggle - "I write like Cody Doctorow"

Don't Call Me Shirley - "I Write like Chuck Palahniuk"

Oh Bugger... Facebook's Changed Again. - "I Write Like Douglas Adams"

Non-Fiction Books About Texas - "I Write Like H.P. Lovecraft"

I Write Like... - "I Write Like Cody Doctorow"

If you fancy trying this out yourself, the link is here: http://iwl.me/
Anyway, I'm going to go lie down and try not to vomit on myself now. Wish me luck as I do feel like absolute arse! *sigh*

Atriad Press (Non-Fiction books about Texas) are no longer following me. Was it something I said?

Non-Fiction Books About Texas

 I discovered today that I have a new follower on Twitter! Exciting news, I know. They are Atriad Press, a publishing company that print Non-Fiction books about Texas! Brilliant, right? I can see why they're interested in me. I may just have to pitch to them my idea for a book; "How To Fuck Your Sister, Escaping From The Police In A Winnebago, General Racism And Other Popular American Pastimes In The Deep South." Think they'll like it? Me too...
 When you enter their website you are greeted by a video of a rather chunky gentleman sporting a cowboy hat who starts talking about a hamster he had when he was 6 that his good 'ol dad then left outside to freeze to death. Then he introduces Atriad Press' latest release on how to deal with coming face to face with the ghosts of your dead pets. I've already purchases 8 copies!! That's my Christmas presents sorted for this year, and it should also help with the distress I'm going through every night when my ex-goldfish Speedy keeps drifting through the walls. Phew.